Louise Brooks

Louise Susannah Brooks, born in 1981, is initially seen as a student of sociology, although she is in one episode seen as a trainee social worker. She is desperate to find the perfect man and loves horoscopes, Coronation Street, collecting Sylvanian Families, balloon animals, Steps and the Disney Store. She dislikes old people and fears getting old. She is childish, selfish, naive, insensitive and deters most men she meets. Louise has a high-pitched voice: Kelly the barmaid claims that Louise's voice "chills her to the bones" and that she is a "squeaky biffa", and Donna has called her a "squeaky little twatbag". She discovers that she is adopted later on in the series; her adoptive mother is a "depressed maniac" who sits in her nightie looking at the fridge all day. She eventually meets her birth mother and her husband (initially, she mistakenly believes him to be her real father) before tracking down her birth father, Brian, who turns out to be a gay alcoholic conman. She has also mentioned an "Auntie Nigel" on more than one occasion, who is supposedly a psychopath. Louise is a snobby person who neither respects, nor even wants to look at Jonny (who, in one episode, thinks she tastes like lard), although at one point she stated that she liked him "in a way". Louise even got "dull" Jonny shot once: when she took a job at the Office for National Statistics, she changed his profile on the computer to that of a serious armed criminal (and Thailand's tallest prostitute) to make it less boring. This later resulted in Jonny being shot in the knee in the grounds of Halton Castle for which Louise was arrested and charged with "incitement to GBH". She had a brief stint as the manager of the Sayers' bakery in which Janet worked, but was eventually fired after sacking all of her employees. Near the end of the sixth series, it is revealed that Louise is pregnant and that Donna's younger brother, Dion, is the father. In series seven she resides with Janet and Corinthian and has found out that she is carrying a baby girl; this disappoints her as she fears the baby girl may be "prettier" than she is. In the last episode of series 7 she gives birth, somewhat assisted by Munch, and names the baby "Louise Louise Brooks". In series 8 Louise is seen at first struggling to bond and care for her baby until Tim & Janet reassure her she will be a great Mum and that she will always have their support. In episode 7 Louise meets her new popstar boyfriend, Scott Chegg. By series 9, she's left the show and 'joined that weird moon-worshipping cult'.